Movin' on Up

I like friends. I like friends at work. I don't like leaving friends. I don't like leaving friends from work.


I don't like change. Alas, change is inevitable. 


Peak season at Amazon was craziness. We hired on hundreds of new employees, some of whom I became friends with. Just tonight the last one of the temporary group was laid off. I am truly saddened. He was such a sweet guy and I also hate to think what his financial situation will be now. He has 5 kids at home and a wife who is disabled. Why do things like this happen to the best employees? He was always here late, taking care of the associates under his charge. It almost makes me want to cry. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about the situation, so crying is nonsensical. 


Tonight is also my last Saturday night to work. I'll work Wednesday through Friday night next week and then start my new job at one of our sister buildings on Monday. In the four short months I've been at IND5, I have made countless friends and formed close relationships with many coworkers. The only reason I am leaving is because our shifts are consolidating, meaning my position is being eliminated. When I first heard the news, I was slightly upset. I had just started and now I'm being handed a severance package?! Now what do I do? Nothing against working for my family, but it doesn't pay the bills and it doesn't offer benefits... which I dreadfully need. 


Looking back on the experience, I realize I went through the Five Stages of Grief in a two week span. The night I found out I could be losing my job I was fine, because I was denying the circumstances. The next night however, I began to get angry, wanting to know why they were making this decision. Then came the bargaining: "Can I stay at the building and do a different job?". Finally came the tears and depression finally realizing I would not be able to stay with my myriad of friends at IND5. THAT was a tough stage. I think I'm in the acceptance stage now, but I am still not excited about the pending changes.


It does make you feel good when you announce your departure and it is met with unanimous sadness and pleas that you stay. 


Yes, it is a promotion. Yes, I will make more money. Yes, it will give me more experience. But I am stubborn and don't want to mess up a good thing. So sue me. I'm going to miss my buddies!

Where the Boys Are

If you pay any attention to the colloquy in global news, you have no doubt heard of the fatal cruise ship tragedy off the coast of Italy. The Costa Concordia ran aground on well charted rocks and partially sank on January 13, 2012. 11 are confirmed dead and 21 are still missing of the almost 4,200 passengers and crew who were on board. Of course with the centennial anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic rapidly approaching, there are many comparisons being made between the two ill fated vessels. 

One glaringly obvious disparity is the behavior of the victims of each disaster. Granted not much is known about the final moments and initial reactions to the Titanic's demise, but there is enough evidence to know that chivalry is dying if not dead. 

The first scandal came when the Coast Guard caught the Costa Concordia's captain,  Francesco Schettino, fleeing the ship while passengers and crew were still fearfully attempting to evacuate the precariously perched pinnace. He and his first officer were arrested on preliminary charges of manslaughter and abandoning ship. It seems like a fairly accepted principle that the captain of the ship goes down with the ship. There are reports of the Titanic's captain, Edward Smith, standing at the wheel while his craft slipped into the Atlantic. Other people say he was on the deck encouraging his crew and aiding with the loading of the lifeboats. However it happened, he undoubtedly displayed unparalleled bravery and honor in the face of imminent death. Captain Schettino, on the other hand, got the H-E-double hockey sticks out of dodge with no regard for the 4,200 other lives for whom he was responsible. Making the situation worse, Schettino wasn't taking a course guided by the state of the art navigation system. He had turned it off and was going by sight alone. The alarms that should have sounded to alert him the ship was off course were silenced by his egotistical attempt at piloting the 114,137 ton vessel "intuitively". He had, of course, done this "at least three, maybe four times in the past", so he was nothing less than a bona fide professional. 

The second story coming out of the mess is the decorum of the male passengers and crew. The Titanic was famous for enforcing the "women and children first" etiquette when it came to boarding the life boats. The numbers speak for themselves: more third class women survived than first class men. 97% of first class women made it to life boats. It was an honor for these men to step aside and let their wives and children safely float away from the doomed liner. This does not mean they did it without fear, but courage is standing in the face of what scares you and acting as if it is a privilege to endure the terror. They acted like MEN. Now fast forward 100 years to the Costa Concordia. In true 21st century, pusillanimous, coddled form, the men aboard the sinking ship scrambled to be the first in the lifeboats. Women have recounted being shoved and pushed aside as men abandoned all dignity in order to save themselves. 

Where have all the men gone? No one teaches their boys to open the door for a woman, to stand when she leaves the table, to treat females with respect. You'd be lucky to find a 25 year old who does not spend at least one day a week playing hours of mind numbing, gory video games. 25 year olds in 1912? Usually married with several children and working to make ends meet. They were most definitely not sitting at home leeching off their moms and working as a minimum wage "sandwich artist" at Subway. It pains me to no end to know that my chances of finding an actual man and not a boy playing dress up in a suit are growing slimmer with each passing year. Apparently there were mostly boys on the Costa Concordia. And unfortunately it seems that men, like the Titanic, are slowly disappearing with time. 

Let Me Call You Sweetheart

On March 18, 2010, I bookmarked the following in my Google Reader:

*le happy sigh* :)

Rear-view Mirrors

I've started writing this post several times now and I can never think of the right way to word it. So in all my fumbling, there will somehow arise a blog. Whether or not it means anything to anyone else other than myself does not matter.


One question I've been constantly asking myself recently is "Why do people do the things they do?" What makes an idea worth trying or a risk worth taking? 


I've done things that I look at and think, "Was I even equipped with functioning mental capacities at the time? Why did I think this was ok and why did I continue?" Too many times my emotions are faster than my brain. Even when I am conscious of the fact that what I am doing is questionable, my emotions are faster than the thought process of "stop doing that, you idiot". And once you pop, you just can't stop. 


I've known for years that I have an addictive personality, the problem is I have no way of predicting what my vice will be at a given time. For a while last year it was Wendy's chili and a baked potato. Once it was watching every episode of Law and Order SVU that I could fit on the DVR. For too long my addiction was working out for a minimum of four hours every night. Talk about fun times. Oh, and who can forget the other obsessive behaviors that are too embarrassing to cite? I have no idea how my family put up with me for all those years. I probably would have strangled me. No, I KNOW I would have strangled me.


How do I get myself into these situations? I must have an unknown propensity for adventurous affairs. But then, why do I STAY in these situations? That's a question 6 years overdue. I knew how to stop and openly admitted I needed to, but when it came down to the follow through? Nonexistent. The absurdity of it all is that there was no glorious moment where it all made sense and I repented of my ways and made things right. Too easy. In my experience you don't learn if you don't suffer. 


So I continue to blunder through hoping that the choices I make in the future won't screw me up as much as the ones I've already made. I look forward to the day when the reflection I see in my rear-view mirror isn't one of regret and sadness. But that will take time that has not been granted me yet. Until then, in the Crowder famous words, "I'm doing the best I can, sir".